USxUKKiss the Cook
by ShadowStalkerBelarus
Summary: FanFiction is being mean It's being mean and not letting me post correctly so i cant edit this. Smut. Un-Beta'd  USxUK  Arthur is feeling down, America cheers him up. Fail!Summary. Plz read i need constructive critisism  First Lemon


A/N This was a role-play done by me and my friend. (Not the latter part) It's my first try so I'm sorry if it sucks….

Arthur was sitting in his home alone having a good time. He had gotten ahead on his embroidery, and the frog hadn't bothered him all day. He was having the time of his life. He sighed and sank deeper into his cushy armchair…. who was he kidding his life sucked. He yearned for the times when he was a punk rocker. Even being a pirate was better than a "Gentleman." He liked pillaging, rebelling, going to strip clubs, and having a good time. Well, he used too. What had happened to him? He didn't remember when he started acting like a gentleman or even why he did, but it was expected of him now. Even his boss expected him to act gentlemanly. Someone up in heaven obviously hated him. Arthur, now wallowing in his self pity, got up and walked over to his liquor cabinet. He grabbed some rum from his pirate days and took a sip. He went to chug some more when he was interrupted. "Hey England!" an obnoxiously loud voice called from the front door. Yup, God hated him. God hated him a lot. "Ugh… what do you want America?" Arthur called back annoyed.

"I just wanted to hang and stuff Iggy." Alfred said back, "Geez you sound mad, got a knitting needle up your butt or something?"Arthur motioned the American into his sitting room before shutting the liquor cabinet and following behind him. Alfred had taken a seat on the couch and was pointing to the spot next to him Arthur grudgingly sat there. "Bloody git, burst into my house uninvited and tell me I have a needle up my arse." Arthur mumbled before turning and glaring at the now laughing American, "Why are you laughing, twit?"

"You said arse! You mean ass right?"

"I said what I meant. Arse not ass," Arthur reprimanded, "My word came first."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I'm ruining your language. Blah, blah, blah. So anyway Iggy guess what," Alfred said without taking a breath or pausing to let him guess, "I heard one of your chefs said McDonalds was like the best food ever!"

"Yes, well…. Uhhh… he obviously has no taste then; must be French or something. I still don't see how you think that crap is food; I raised you so one would think you would have decent taste." Arthur said quickly, trying to veer away from the topic that was inevitably going to come up.

"Ewww, your food is bad, not mine. It's always burnt too. That's why I have 'no taste' duh." Alfred said. There's the topic Arthur wanted to avoid. "My food is bloody fine! Why does everyone always say it's bad? I eat it don't I?" Arthur smirked, causing Alfred to shutter, this was bad. "Well, it's nice of you to drop by at teatime, Alfred, and sense you're in my home you will go by my rules. You know what that means right? Time to have some of my 'horrible' food, and of course tea."

"NOOO LET ME OUT! I DON'T WANT TO WEAR GIRLY OUTFITS WHILE YOU SERVE TEA TO YOUR LITTLE FAIRES!" Alfred howled. He stood up and looked around trying to find something to hide behind. "You twit! That's a tea party! Shows how culturally aware you are. All it is is drinking tea and eating scones and such. Now sit down and if your good maybe I'll try to conjure you up some coffee." Arthur snapped, sounding way more fatherly then he intended.

"Grrrr, fine." Alfred pouted. He looked at Arthur with his best puppy dog eyes hoping to change his mind. "Good boy; and by the way that face stopped working a couple hundred years ago." Arthur walked into his kitchen donning his "Kiss the Cook" apron given to him by Francis. He pulled out some scones from the oven that he had prepared earlier and started making some little sandwiches. When he finished he started searching though his pantry for some coffee. He couldn't find the coffee there so he tried a couple of his closets. Then just for 'shits and giggles' as Alfred would put it he looked in his garbage and potion cabinet. For some reason it was in his potion cabinet next to his love potions. (He will have to remember to hide them. He wouldn't want some of the more meddlesome nations, aka Hungary, Prussia, France, and Japan to find it. Or even worse he wouldn't want to mistake them for his sleeping potions.) He walked back to the kitchen and poured some hot water into his teacup. He made some coffee for Alfred and walked back to his sitting room. He set the food and drinks on the table and turned to Alfred, "Seeing as you didn't burn anything I guess you can have this. It's black seeing as I don't have any creamer. Here's some sugar though. Try some scones to their good. Oh, and sit up straight will you." Alfred lectured.

"Oh God, why is everything so gross?" Alfred squealed

"Wanker! It tastes fine!" Arthur glared at the younger nation. When had he gone wrong? He raised him to the best of his ability.

"Blech, gross, can't we do something else?" Alfred whined. Alfred scarfed down the food in front of him, "see the foods gone." Arthur quickly finished his tea and stood up to put away the dishes. "Ugh, you're so disrespectful you know that." Arthur said walking back into the room and sitting down on the couch, "What do you want to do?" Arthur squeaked as he was quickly pushed down against his couch. "I think I have an idea," Alfred cooed. Arthur tried (and failed) to hold back a blush, "W-what are you doing? I think you've been spending too much time with Francis, git."

"Oh, come on Iggy, you know you want to." Alfred whispered into Arthur's ear.

"W-why are you doing this?" Arthur stammered. "You gave me the idea~" Alfred laughed. He saw Alfred's eyes dart down to his lap when he remembered he never took off his apron. He would have to thank Francis later; he couldn't say he didn't want this. (Not that he would tell anyone that) Arthur's blush darkened and he looked away, trying to save a bit of his dignity. "Wanker…" he mumbled. Alfred laughed and kissed up Arthur's neck. "Uhn…Al" Arthur groaned.

"I thought so," Alfred laughed, "You're so cute."

"S-shut it…ngh—"Arthur tried to hide the noise as Alfred bit down on the tender spot right on his pulse. Suddenly the warmth on his neck disappeared. Arthur let out a noise of displeasure and tried to lean into the mouth. When nothing happened he looked down to see Alfred's lust-filled sky blue eyes staring back up at him. "Will you kiss me already, stupid?" Arthur said pulling on the blonde's collar. Alfred stood up causing Arthur to grunt in annoyance. "Geez keep it in your pants, old man." Alfred joked.

'I'd rather you were in my pants' Arthur thought imagining things the younger nation could do for him. He was brought out of his thoughts when he felt warm lips against his own. When he didn't return the kiss the American pulled away. "Yo, England, you there?" Alfred asked, confused over the older man's sudden stop. Arthur looked at the blonde above him noticing he was no longer wearing a shirt, "Eager are we?" Arthur asked.

"Damn straight, hurry up." Alfred replied wantonly. Arthur pushed himself off the couch and pulled their lips together passionately. Alfred moaned and tugged at the Brit's tie. Getting his point Arthur expertly pulled off his shirt and tie, throwing them to the floor, before attacking the Americans mouth again. Arthur tugged at Alfred's hair trying to deepen the kiss, partially disorienting the younger man for a while, when he finally realized what was happening he was looking up at the Brit. "When the fuck— ooh god Artie yeesss" Alfred moaned.

"Artie?" Arthur asked skeptically, eyes moving down the tanned body before him. Arthur smirked before taking a pink nub into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. He bit down slightly, then pulled and teased the nipple until it was hard. He licked down the tanned body, dipping his tongue into Alfred's navel, before going back up to the other nub and sucking on it lightly. "God, you're such a tease." Alfred moaned out.

"Only to you," Arthur replied his voice considerably deeper than normal. Alfred felt himself get harder with every word out of the older man's mouth. Arthur was back to attacking the tanned neck with kisses and small bites, trying to leave a mark. He felt something hard push against his leg he smirked and applied pressure to the bulge, "and by the way, as hot as I may be I am not god."

"Oh, suck it." Alfred said rutting against his elders leg.

"Gladly," Arthur said quickly pulling down Alfred's pants and boxers and taking the half-hard length into his mouth. He sucked gently and gave the head a teasing lick. "Y-you seem to know what –ahnn- you're doing, old man." Alfred panted.

"Well like you said, I'm an old man. I've had practice." Arthur mumbled around the younger man's cock, the vibrations causing him to cry out in pleasure, "I've even taught Francis a good thing or two."

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, don't ruin the mood, seriously." Alfred said.

"Right, sorry. I guess I'll have to be punished then." Arthur said before kissing the other man on the lips roughly.

"Uhhh, wow Iggy didn't think you would be one to do something kinky like that. So, um, how do I 'punish' you?" Alfred's arousal was evident in his voice.

"Fuck me so hard that even thinking about this night will make me cum," Arthur said stripping off his remaining clothing, "grab the lube from the end table."

"Were you expecting this?" Alfred asked.

"No. It's from Francis. He put lube in every one of my rooms hoping it would help his chances; stupid frog." Arthur replied. Alfred pulled out the lube from the drawer and put the cap on the table. He squeezed some lube onto his hands and rubbed them together warming up the cold liquid. "You know how to do this right?" Arthur said as he felt a finger slowly rub against his entrance.

"Duh. I've gotten laid before," Alfred replied pushing his finger into the tight ring of muscles. After dubbing the older nation ready he pushed another finger in, stretching as he went. "Hurry up will you, git." Arthur snapped. Alfred pushed two more fingers in searching for the spot that would have the Brit seeing stars. "Fuuuuuucccckkkk Alfred!" Arthur cried out. 'Got it.' Alfred thought. He added more lube to his fingers and stretched the puckered hole in front of him as much as possible. He was so into preparing the older man, (the hero couldn't hurt his lover, obviously,) that he didn't notice the older man snatch up the lube and start lathering up his erection. "Uhhhhnnnnnn" Alfred moaned as his erection was stimulated. Arthur had decided he wanted more so he started impaling himself on the probing fingers. "Hurry up!" Arthur yelled.

"Sorry," Alfred hissed as he buried his dick balls deep in his lover's ass, "you're so tight, Arthur, are you sure you've done this before?"

"Yes, Im sure you twit," Arthur moaned as Alfred shifted slightly causing him to hit the elder's prostate, "Ahhnnn faster!" Alfred thrust faster and harder into the velvety heat in front of him. He felt the body beneath him shutter, Arthur was close. He grabbed onto the Brit's dick and pumped it roughly. "Alfred~" Arthur moaned out when his vision flashed white as he came. Arthur's inner walls tightened down around Alfred's cock causing him to come after a few more shallow thrusts. He slowly slid out of his lover and pulled him close. "I love you." Alfred sighed.

"Yeah, I love you too… even if you are an idiot." Arthur mumbled as he lowly fell asleep.

"Told you it would work, Britain has been sexually frustrated for years!" France yelled as he gathered money from various nations around the room.

"Kesesesese I totally called that America would be seme. Pay up Russia." Prussia laughed. Hungary and Japan high-fived and went about collecting their money and handing out copies of the event they had just watched. "W-why did you bring me here, East?" a petrified Germany asked to the albino next to him.

"Oh, I thought I was gonna need a ride home, but I have to go congratulate the genius behind this scheme so I am just gonna make him take me back home tomorrow." Prussia laughed, "So you didn't have to stay sorry."

"Who was the stupid pervert behind this?" Germany roared at his brother, getting backed up by mummers of agreement from others around the room.

"Oh, shit, I forgot. I was just talking to them to…. Whatever, sorry I don't know. France probably knows though," Prussia said.

"Non. I thought it was Hungary or Japan but they say it was not." France said.

"Weird. Well there's no point lingering on unimportant matters," Germany said rushing out of the room trying to hide the DVD stashed under his coat.

"That was a good idea, da. I didn't expect you to do that though." Russia said to a mysterious figure in the corner.

"Well, it was obvious Al wanted to do it so I just wanted to help… well and I made a ton of money off of it, eh." The figure laughed before walking out the door with a bear and a wad of cash in his hand.

A/N: So since my lemon sucked I added an end **attempting **to be funny. Please review.

I do not own Hetalia. (I just wish I did.) I am a pyromaniac so flames are welcome.

Do you know who was at the end? I hope you did cause its uber obvious.

~~~~~ShadowStalkerBelarus


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